Burning with temperatures not near zero,
Prisoners against their reality,
The free escapes being their heroes,
Doubting any spirituality.
For lingering for time and time again,
Never to escape the deadly cave's hold,
This bland cave may very well seem inhumane,
The Prisoners fed nothing but old bread mold.
My light casting across all them old souls,
The shadows are all they will ever see,
Held in place; the chain is what controls,
Can't get out; even with the skeleton key.
While this may be their only form of life,
Their dreams come on to be extremely rife.
Yea...kinda sucks but I'm horrible at poetry
Josh you should give yourself more credit man, writing poetry is one difficult task but in iambc pentameter thats a tier above that beast. Anyways you followed the sonnet structure dutifully and used creatively connotated the themes of the poem, all in all you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Josh. I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into this sonnet. I enjoyed the way the sonnet was structured and your rhymes were great.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it was that bad, your structure was right, the words rhymed, and the sonnet showed understanding of the allegory.
ReplyDeleteYeah! Just like Hayden said, you should of given yourself more credit. Nice job though. Your sonnet structure is right on! Good job over all
ReplyDeletehttp://sramirezrhsenglitcomp.blogspot.com/2012/11/blog-post_23.html
ReplyDeletecomment mine when you get the chance plz! :D
Good job, Josh(: It was actually really good! have more confidence bro(: haha once again, great work.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely hit all the qualifying points of a sonnet, and the mood of the cave shows through really well. Also, your use of iambic pentameter is commendable--writing with syllabic limitations is tough!
ReplyDeleteYour structure was good and your use of iambic pentameter was admirable.
ReplyDeleteI like how you explained what a sonnet is because random people who may pop onto your blog might not know so in essence, you become a teacher. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Feli, you did a good job by adding what a sonnet is. I enjoyed your sonnet and how you rhymed it.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually very well written Josh. Definitely should be proud. Most don't comment on the diction but I thought it was at collegiate level! Good job
ReplyDeleteI really like the fact that you explained what a sonnet was because then we know for sure that you know what kind of sonnet you are writing and know you understand them! Great job!
ReplyDeleteIt was a very good sonnet and really understandable. Good job :)
ReplyDeleteI really thought that it was a very good example of the perspective of someone who was enlightened who wants to share his knowledge but no one can hear through the shadows. Really different and interesting as an audience member.
ReplyDeleteProbably better than mine.
ReplyDeleteI thought you did good! good understanding, and its written right, nice job!
ReplyDeletethe first line really caught my attention:) great job!! also, i really like the earth as ur background!
ReplyDeleteoh ya please comment on mine :)http://danig14.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteNot good? Pfft. Shaddup. Haha, but, seriously, it really IS good. You followed the iambic pentameter and you're rhyming skillz is exquisite. Also, the message was clear. So there ya go! Mmyep. Twas perfectanundo. :)
ReplyDeleteVery dark but a good poem. Din't be so hard on yourself. :) I'm sorry I almost missed it.
ReplyDelete*don't
Deletesweet bro! that third stanza:
ReplyDelete"My light casting across all them old souls,
The shadows are all they will ever see,
Held in place; the chain is what controls,
Can't get out; even with the skeleton key."
Whooo! epicness.